I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
