Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
