I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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