shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
