ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
