You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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