then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
