Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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