chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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