theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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