I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
