I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
