so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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