apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
