My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
