You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
