after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
