How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
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