This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
it glows. i had to have it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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