so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
