My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
