what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
