i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
false alarm. still invincible.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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