I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
