Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
