I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
