Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
