The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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