I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
