Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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