why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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