I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
