I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
