Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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