This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We left the knife in your bed.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
