Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
