I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Found your dick twin last night
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
