i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
