He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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