i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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