A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
