an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
