Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I have peed in a lot of sinks
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
