I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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