I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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