you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
