I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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