I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
