Sry I called you an 8
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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