I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
