Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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