I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
