just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
