Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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